This is vital for missionary work

When I go door-to-door with the churches I’m working with, I encourage a big focus on building Christ-centred relationships. In order to build a relationship, it’s important to get to know the person you’re speaking to. Doing this means being patient enough to listen to what’s going on in the mind and what troubles the heart of those we meet who are least likely to hear the gospel. (Proverbs 20:5).

In James 1:19 it says: Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger…

These are wise words the Holy Spirit speaks through the Apostle James. It is easy for us to jump to speak what we think is right. But sometimes, our best course of action is to listen first then speak.

This is important in a city like London.

London is an ethnically, culturally and religiously diverse place. Many have never read the Bible or darkened the doors of a church. Many go through sad experiences that make them feel alone in a busy city like London. Many have assumptions or misconceptions about the Christian faith, and these keep them away from a true relationship with God through Jesus.

We tend to listen in order to respond and get our point across. But listening is more than hearing, it's paying attention to the other person, patiently trying to understand the other person, and that way we can better speak to their hearts.

As the pastor and theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, once said: We should listen with the ears of God that we may speak the word of God.”

This takes us deeper, from winning arguments to investing in people; in their lives, hearts and minds.

Here are four tips for patient and genuine listening that can help us to share our faith:

1. Open body language

Whether we’re aware of it or not, a lot of our communication is non-verbal. There are some obvious things we can do, but it can be easy to forget them!

Ways we can show that we’re listening involves simple things like facing the person we’re speaking to, keeping as much eye contact as possible for us, not interrupting, and nodding when we understand where they’re coming from (though not excessively!).

It’s important in our gospel conversations that we show we’re engaged and present with others rather than having our mind elsewhere.

These are small things that can have a big impact on a conversation.

2. Practice Active listening 

As I go out with church volunteers to knock the doors or set up a table on the streets, I encourage what I call active listening.

Active listening means listening not just to respond, but listening to understand. This allows you to build trust, gain respect and if you listen to others, most of the time—though not always!—they may return the favour.

Active listening includes responding with relevant and insightful questions; listening in a non-judgmental way, summarising or repeating back what they’ve said before responding to show you understand.

Sometimes, even thanking others for sharing is a kind gesture. We are not entitled to the deep and personal thoughts of others, so it’s significant if others let us in.

3. Listening to both heart and mind

As mentioned above, gospel conversations are not just intellectual, but personal.

A gospel conversation isn’t just a philosophical debate, it goes deeper. Ultimately, each individual made in God’s image needs a relationship with the God who made them.

This means that people are not the sum of their doctrinal beliefs, they have hearts, experiences and emotions that are all involved in what they believe. This helps us not see others as debate partners, but as whole persons in need of a saviour.

Listening to both the heart and mind also helps us to realise that a lot of the time, people are trying to find answers to real human problems—problems that we face—and we can help them find the true answer in Jesus. As theologian, Francis Schaeffer said, we’re not trying to simply "prove men wrong, but to win them back to Christ.”

4. Use what we learn about others to gently point them to Jesus

I don't want you to get the impression that every gospel conversation must be a one-sided, like an interrogation or an interview.

Typically, in a gospel conversation, I use the “60/40 rule”: the other person talks 60% of the time and I talk 40%.

And as I listen, I respond with questions, a story from the Bible that helps them know what God thinks about their situation, I gently confront what they believe, clear up misconceptions and find opportunities to pray with them and ultimately, gently move the conversation along to how they can have a relationship with God through Jesus in a way they may be able to understand.

A final encouragement

I hope you’re encouraged that God can use anyone with any personality to share the wonderful news of Jesus, whether we’re an introvert or extrovert. And I hope we can all become better listeners, that we might better speak the word of God to those least likely to hear it.

Maybe take the time to try one or two of these tips in your next conversations with unbelievers.