The necessity of practical wisdom

As our church community sought to walk alongside Leanne, we discovered that bridging the gap between her experience of shame and our desire to help required more than good intentions. It demanded practical wisdom about how shame operates and how honour can be restored.

Two principles, among others, have been part of our journey together. I’m sharing these because they don't just apply to survivors of abuse, but to anyone weighed down by shame in our culturally diverse community. They weren't implemented as part of a strategic plan but emerged organically through trial and error.

It's important to note that where an individual holds past experiences of abuse and harm, a trauma informed approach is critical to holding these values. This retelling is just part of a bigger story.

1. Expanding our understanding of grace

First, we expanded our understanding of grace.

In one-to-one catch ups, we would highlight how Christ bore not just our guilt but our shame on the cross - the public humiliation, the nakedness, the rejection - so we could receive God's honour. We would explore how adoption into God's family fundamentally changes our status. We're not just forgiven, we're beloved and chosen. We bear the family name.

For Leanne, these weren't just theological concepts but lifelines. However, she continued to find it difficult to hold onto these truths consistently. Some days she could embrace her identity as God's beloved daughter; other days the weight of shame would come crashing back. She needed constant reminders that God cherished her.

These ideas are gradually becoming bigger themes in church life more generally. For example, we now start every Bible study by taking a moment to honour one of the members of the group. In other words, we try to value embodied practices that make honour tangible.

2. Demonstrating acceptance through hospitality

Secondly, we demonstrated acceptance concretely through hospitality. Words of affirmation were important, but Leanne needed to experience acceptance viscerally.

This came through tangible expressions of community.

Angela, an elder's wife, visited Leanne weekly for six months, though not without occasional cancellations and scheduling conflicts.

When Leanne was asked to read the Bible in church, the congregation's encouragement spoke volumes about how they saw her—not as damaged goods but as a valued member.

In her darkest moments, Leanne still struggles to believe she's worthy.

Building bridges

In her darkest moments, Leanne still struggles. But then someone from church will text her asking for advice, or invite her into their home, or seek her out at coffee hour - and she remembers she's part of a family that sees her through God's eyes, not through the lenses of her past.

This is one way that we can build bridges across our cultural divides: by creating spaces where shame can be spoken without fear, by proclaiming a gospel big enough to address both guilt and shame, and by demonstrating through concrete actions, that in God's family, honour is not earned through performance or diminished by past wounds - it is the birth right of every adopted child.

The path to living out this truth is rarely straight or simple. It takes patience with the messy and complex nature of healing and growth. But it is the journey we are called to make together.